Voices of Earth

Sometimes I forget how powerful music can be.  It is so pure and honest.  Tonight Rachel and I were able to listen to Concert Choir and BYU Singers perform Songs of Birth and Rebirth.  I spent the entire concert teary-eyed. The musicality and the repertoire were unbelievable.  Just one text that I found particularly inspiring is from Voices of Earth. 

"We have not heard the music of spheres,

The song of star to star, but there are sounds

More deep than human joy and tears,

That Nature uses in her common rounds;

The fall of streams, the cry of winds that strain

The oak, the roaring of the sea's surge, might

Of thunder breaking afar off, or rain

That falls by minutes in the summer night.

There are the voices of earth's secret soul,

Uttering the mystery from which she came. 

To him who hears them grief beyond control,

Or joy inscrutable without a name, 

Wakes in his heart thoughts bedded there, impearled,

Before the birth and making of the world."

-Archibald Lampman

 Music has always been such an integral part of my life and now I feel a lack of it.  Yes, I am in a conducting class... And yes, I am the ward choir director... There is just something so incredible about creating beautiful sound.  But singing has never been easy for me.  To some it just comes so naturally.  To me, it is so hard that I struggle to enjoy it.  Singing makes me sad because I realize that maybe I wasn't meant to sing.  But I've always wanted to create something beautiful.  I'm not a dancer, I'm not a photographer, I'm not a singer.  What am I?  Some are meant to create, some are meant to enjoy.  Maybe I am supposed to simply enjoy beauty.  Why, then, do I feel so strongly that I was meant to create it?  In an earlier post, I talked about lacking drive.  THIS is my passion.  I am passionate about music.  I love the way it makes me feel.  I love the things it says that nothing else in the world can describe.  I love the simplicity and the complexity of sound.  I love it. I love it. I love it.  But I know I could never be successful as a musician.  If I am not successful, I am not happy.  As an observer, I am happy for a moment, then I'm left with a pit in my stomach.  I should be making music.  But I can't.  But I wish I could.  I wish.